Kindness a concoction of virtue and curse
(Disclaimer: The following reflections are based solely on my personal experiences and opinions. I don't intend to impose any particular idea or pass judgment; rather, I'm sharing insights from my own journey.)
Growing up, I often heard a Hindi saying that left a lasting impression on me:
"Agar aap doosrko ka saarth aacha sai swabhaaw karo ga tho loog apsa bhi aacha swabhaa sa milanga."
Translation: If you treat others with kindness, you will receive kindness in return.
This philosophy was ingrained in me and my brother by our parents, who nurtured and fostered this virtue in our upbringing. Today, I attribute my humble and kind nature to this upbringing (expressing that with utmost modesty).
However, I must acknowledge that this quality, which I hold dear, has at times proven to be a double-edged sword. It's disheartening to admit that my acts of kindness have unintentionally brought me moments of adversity. It almost feels like extending kindness, whether in interactions with peers, friends, family, strangers, or within relationships, has sometimes led to me getting hurt.
Reflecting on these situations seems perplexing – why should acts of kindness be met with punishment? It's disheartening to acknowledge that my acts of kindness seemed to backfire. Reaching out to friends with support, being considerate towards peers, or expressing kindness in relationships sometimes resulted in unexpected consequences. It feels like a paradox – a phenomenon where extending goodwill and generosity leads to personal emotional turmoil. More often than not, it stems from these two reasons or a concoction of both in varying degree:
Vulnerability: Kindness often involves a degree of vulnerability. When this vulnerability is not met with the expected appreciation, it can leave us feeling exposed and hurt. Opening up to others with kindness can unintentionally make us susceptible to emotional wounds.
Misinterpretation: Intentions behind acts of kindness can be misinterpreted. People may question motives, leading to misunderstandings and the unintended consequence of strained relationships.
Admittedly, when it hurts, it hurts. Yet, there are times when being a kind, caring person, doing even the smallest act of helping strangers you might never see again, feels fulfilling—a source of emotional gratification that is deeply satisfying. However, it's crucial to navigate this kindness paradox to avoid inflicting damage upon yourself. Here are some things I have realized. again, i’ll admit there were a hard pill for me to swallow, but you have to protect your goodness:
Awareness: Understand that everyone expresses gratitude differently, and not everyone may reciprocate in the same manner. Awareness of this fact can avoid disappointment.
Set Boundaries: Kindness doesn't mean sacrificing your own well-being. It's OKAY to be selective about where and when you invest your kindness.
Communicate Openly: Clear communication is key! If your acts of kindness are not being acknowledged or are causing you discomfort, engage in open and honest conversations with the people involved. Understanding each other's perspectives can forge a path forward for better connection.
Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that not every act of kindness will be reciprocated, and that's okay. Be kind to yourself!
“Don't entertain people with kindness; cause not everyone deserves your kindness; instead, practice silence”
